First of all, there are so many connotations, misrepresentations and misunderstandings (Nobody understands me!). It seems to me that a lot of people hear the word “Hedonist” and think of things like devil worship or Satan. Which, truth be told, is not all that far off if you consider Satan as Anti-Christ. What did Christ do? He gave of himself with no consideration of self. He was a martyr. I realize that I’m supposed to have some gratitude for that, some appreciation for the sacrifice, but I do not. What I do have is a certain amount of resentment for a debt that I did not sign up for and spent the first part of my childhood on my knees for. Even the banks have disclosure documents that we can read if we want to.
I have no patience for martyrs and I do not believe in altruism. I don’t even like the idea of altruism, that nameless, faceless, ego less, inhuman, weird idea. You can give anonymous gifts all day long, but I will have a difficult time believing that you don’t benefit from it, in self-satisfaction, if nothing else.
What I do believe in is goodness and the desire to feel good and the pleasure that we take when we feel that we’ve benefited someone. That feels honest to me. It feels human and it’s a tell that I believe that people are inherently good. This might mark me as a rube, but all I can tell you is what feels right to me. Based on what I’ve observed, it makes people feel pleasure to make their loved one’s happy. That’s the great news, it makes being selfish a valiant thing. You know that saying “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Well, it’s like that except that if there is someone in the house that isn’t happy, Mama ain’t gonna be happy.
When you’re sitting on an airplane, listening to the flight attendant tell you what to do in an emergency, please notice that she or he will feel it necessary to tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. They will tell you to make your small children wait for the air until you have yours. There is a reason that they feel the need to tell you this, your instincts are to go without air until your children have theirs. Now, this is probably just your average survival-of-the-species instinct, but on the outside, it looks selfless, nice and kind. It’s really an act of hedonism.
I’m not “nice” or “sweet” or “kind” unless it’s by default. I just love people and trust me, if I do something for you it is because it benefits me somehow. You will never owe me anything because I have gotten mine. Does that have an unsavory ring to it? Well, it’s honest and at least I’ve made the terms available.
In my long of tooth experience it is the people who are not honest with themselves who are the most offended with my view of altruism and hedonism. The one’s who give as a mode of manipulation and most definitely do expect something back from you and more than likely it will be something that you do not want to give. A debt of gratitude, a debt of servitude, a debt of groveling. Listen; always look a gift horse in the mouth.
And then there’s the math. I’ll tell you, I am constantly doing math problems. The hedonistic calculus keeps me busy all day. I get propositions. I get ideas. I have to weigh each one with such caution… what is it going to cost me, what will I gain from it? Will it take longer to rebuke it than to just do it? It might be work, but what will I attain at the end of it? How will it add up? This can get very complicated.
At some level we are all hedonists, we all make these guilt avoidance decisions. We all choose what is going to make those around us more comfortable because in the end that will make us comfortable. There is no sainthood, there is no religion involved, there is no charity. If you throw money at Haiti or buy a cow from heifer.org please don’t tell me that you don’t get a thrill from that. It’s nice, it’s lovely and it’s helpful but do not tell me that it’s altruistic. It is beautiful to be in a place where you can help others. At this point, it’s a luxury to be able to feel that.
How is it that some people don’t seem to feel guilt? What about that guy down the street that is trying to talk you into buying his 2,000 year old car with 8 million miles on it? He knows he’s going to have to see you every day and yet he still keeps talking, he just want’s the 500 bucks. It’s worth it to him at the moment.
Well, I don’t know, I really don’t, maybe he’s just a horrible person with no conscience, but my instincts tell me that he is a bad hedonist. He just hasn’t figured out the math. He might be a good member of his church, but he’s lousy at figuring out what’s going to work for him in the long run. He hasn’t been honest with you or himself and if you buy that car, you might end up with a POS but he’s going to have to watch the tow truck move it around and close his curtains in shame.
To be a hedonist you have to be honest. You don’t get to hide behind a mask of bullshit ethics or religion or even “kindness”. You just have to please yourself. In the end it is far more difficult than one would think, “hedonist” does not equal sociopath or pathological liar or borderline personality or satanic worshipper or idiot. If only it was that simple! I could just buy a thousand candy bars instead of making a mortgage payment and read books all day instead of working. But most often delayed gratification is necessary and the need to take others into consideration is paramount.
The Lord helps those who help themselves.
Recent Comments